Finally a phone call

I finally heard from my husband on Thanksgiving and I heard from my husband this morning. I'm so glad I could hear his voice. I missed it so much.

He sounds a little off, he sounds a little sad almost. When I talk to him he keeps saying how much he misses me and how much he just wants to be home. He tells me how much he wants to just be done with this. He is over the whole deployment thing. I'm over it too. I just want my husband back!

I want to be able to just start our life together. It feels like we haven't been able to do that because of this deployment. Most newly wed's don't have to think of spending their first year apart, but being a military couple we HAVE to adjust to the bumps of deployment and military life. It can be so hard.

I'm very excited that in 3 weeks I will be back in California to spend some time with family and I'm hoping that I will be able to find a place for us to get married. Once I can find a place to get married....everything else will fall into place. Finding the location is the hardest part. Everything after that just falls together. I just need to find a place to start from. Crossing my finger that I can find somewhere to start from.

Remember that as hard as deployment may feel sometimes....

Stay positive.
Life is Beautiful.

Where's my phone call Sir?

Tonight will be the third day of not hearing from my husband. I know it has only been 3 days when it could be a lot longer, but before r&r he was able to call much more so when I don't hear from him in days....I start to worry a little. I can't help it. I don't know whats going on over there, so my mind starts to wonder. I guess thats normal. I mean, at least other wives tell me they do the same thing after long periods with no contact. I worry about him a lot, I can't wait to be done with this deployment and not have to worry about officers in uniform showing up at my door. Deployment is worrying about him every second of everyday for 12 months straight. I know my husband is very good at his job, but that doesn't mean I don't worry for him. But I know that I can't let my mind go there, I can't allow myself to think of the negative because I have several months still to go and I will drive myself crazy if I think about it.

So, that means distracting myself. It means keeping myself busy so I don't even have time to think about how long its been since our last phone call. It means continuing my hobbies. Painting more. Spending more time with friends. Watching movies. And definatly continuing my workout plans.

I have been doing well so far with my diet and working out. I just have to make sure that I stick to it. The last 2 days I have been using a Jillian Michaels workout called "30 days shred (level 2).' It says you can lose up to 20 lbs in 30 days doing a 20 min workout everyday. Well, I think thats a little crazy. I mean, 20 lbs!!!! In 30 days!!! So, I decided to try it to see how many pounds I can lose in 30 days, because knowing MY body it won't be 20lbs. But even if I can lose 10, how could I be mad with that?

Well, its day 2 and oh my God! My whole body hurts. The thing with Jillian Michael's is....she loves to workout every part of your body during her workouts. So, in 20 minutes I have worked out my arm's, my shoulder's, my abs, my legs and my butt. =)

Yesterday, I didn't feel too sore but today I really feel it. When I do anything with my arms they hurt. I don't want to laugh or sneeze because I'm afraid of the pain it will cause my abs. And don't even get me started on walking up the stairs to my Apt today. Ouch. I expect tomorrow won't be much fun. Trying to keep up with her when my whole body is screaming at me "F**k you!" Oh well, I know the results at the end of 30 days will make me more motivated to continue. My goal is 2 lbs a week and I think this week I will accomplish that.

But remember....
Stay positive. Life is beautiful.

God, do I miss him!

Day One: The last half

So, it begins. I dropped my husband off at the airport today, totally expecting to make it through the goodbye in one piece. I made it to the airport, kissed him goodbye, drove off and not a minute down the road....I felt the first tear stream down my face. I was kind of surprised. I wasn't expecting it. The end of R&R marks the halfway point and I thought saying goodbye this time would be easier, especially knowing the next time he's here, it will be for good. Okay, well its never really for good exactly. Marrying a grunt, I know he will always leave. I may get him home for a year or so if I'm lucky, until he leaves again. I don't like to say its "what I signed up for," because I didn't sign up for this, my husband did. But I did know that the military is his career when I met him and I know infantry is his passion....so that comes with multiple deployments. But I love my husband and I could not be more proud of him.

I will just need to keep myself as busy as I can for the last half of this. I started the rest of my morning, after dropping off my husband, with making myself a breakfast sandwich. Which I have to say was pretty good and if you know me, you know I'm not really all that great in the kitchen. After breakfast, I went to the gym after some time away, it was a good way to bring up my spirit a little. Plus, it felt good to be in the gym again. My goal for the rest of this deployment is to try and lose 2 lbs a week at least. If I can keep that up and lose at least 2 lbs a week, I could lose 30 lbs or more before he comes home. And 2 lbs doesn't seem too out of reach, it sounds very doable.

I need to get in the habit of going to the gym or using a workout video everyday. Even if I only do 30 mins of cardio. I need to do something, everyday. The hard part for me is consistancy, I can diet and excercise for some time, a week or more and then I stop. Heck I did p90x and stopped after day 70. Aye! Although I have to say by that point I was very satisfied with my results. But I can't do that anymore. I want to surprise my husband when he comes home and not only that, but I have our wedding in Sept. And although I still have awhile before that, I need to start now. I'm hoping that after awhile, I will just be in the routine and make it a habit. I got a good start today, but I will need to push myself when I get to the point where I want to stop or when I start to let this deployment get to me again.

Okay, time to make a snack. I'm thinking homemade salsa and whole grain chips. Yum.
Stay positive......life is beautiful.

So, R&R is almost over and soon my husband will be heading back to Afghanistan. Ugh. I'm not looking forward to saying goodbye again. Well, I think as military wives we know that it's not really goodbye, it's "see you later." But it is still hard. At least this time I know that the next time I see him, he will be home for good....and I won't have to send him back to Afghanistan. I was listening to a song the other day called "A soldier's wife" by Roxie Dean and there is a part in the song that goes, "with a tearful goodbye kiss....I send him off to this." That part always reminds me of the day I said "see you later" the first time. The day I stood there in my long blue sun dress and my big black sunglasses that consealed the salty tears running down my face. In the days leading up to this deployment, I wasn't sure how I would react on the day he left. I wasn't sure if I would cry or if it would take time to sink in. But that song always brings back that day and reminds me that I send him off to deployment. This time it feels different though, because I know that we have made it halfway through this deployment. And now I feel that I know what to expect. Maybe it will be easier to say "see you later" this time, but I'm still not looking forward to it. At the end of the song, she sings "I pray for strength, I pray for peace. I pray that he comes home to me but if you would please pray for me.....I'm a soldier's wife." Please pray for me and for every military family that will be celebrating the holidays with a missing family member. God bless my military families.

First Blog

Hello All,


Just wanting to post my first blog and get this started. I figured that a blog may help me get through the last half of this deployment. Somewhere for me to vent or to share my feelings. Feel free to follow me. I have somehow survived the first leg of this deployment. I credit my good friends and lots of wine. Now, is R&R, but soon he will leave to go back to Afghanistan....and I will be left to venture through the rest of this. So feel free to follow the last half of this roller coaster we call.....deployment!